Mobilicorpus
by Lady Tavington
Summary: Something's up with Carl, and it's not just the edges of his pageboy 'do! Something wrong's happened, and now he wakes up in somebody else's body. Humorous adventures and mishaps ensue. RnR, pleez! :D UPDATED! Chapter 4 up.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Van Helsing™, or other related characters unless they weren't in the movie or in the animated prequel.  Capeesh?

**Summary: **Lady Tavington's having a little bit of fun with her new favorite character in the whole wide world (well, behind Faramir…)!  Premise of the story is that the night before the immediate events of this fic began, something wrong went down in Carl's lab with him and Van Helsing (no, no, MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER!  THERE'S NOT ENOUGH ROOM IN HERE FOR ALL OUR MINDS!), so now he wakes up in someone else's body.  I just spoiled for you who's body he ended up in, didn't I?  Oh well…reviews of all kinds are welcome, of course, I've never been picky with reviews.  Enjoy, Carl fans!****

**Dedications: **OMG, I almost forgot.  Thanks and dedications go to Bikuki, a wonderful wonderful fellow Carl/David Wenham fan, to Marina, a similarly great fellow David Wenham-ite, to Sarah who's been my fanfic backbone for a year now, to all my fellow David Wenham fans, and to David Wenham, which is a pointless dedication really, not like the stars themselves ever really READ fanfiction…

**MOBILICORPUS**  
A Friar Carl Fanfic  
By Lady Tavington  
Rated PG-13 for some violence  
ENJOY.

CHAPTER 1  
  
The morning sunlight crept slowly up over the wall and spilled into the room through the windows, covering Carl's face irritatingly. But Carl would not get up. He had been working all night, and for as long as he knew, he'd done a good job, worth rewarding with a good night's rest. He stubbornly turned on his side with a protesting grunt, so that the sun spilled on his back instead. With an annoyed sigh, he tried to fall asleep again, but the incessant pounding he felt in his head banished any more hope he had of it. With another grunt, he threw his covers aside and rubbed his eyes, realising only then that the pounding was not in his head, but was coming from the other side of the door.  
"Carl!" he heard an oddly familiar voice call, "Carl! CARL!" Yes, the voice did sound strangely familiar, but the sleepy friar couldn't put a finger on whom it might belong to. His vision cleared, gradually, then another realisation hit him. He remembered, quite clearly, falling asleep in his lab. What was he doing in a bedchamber, and someone else's bedchamber at that? How did he get there? And why did the visitor sound so damn familiar?  
He got up gingerly, suddenly feeling as if his weight didn't feel like his own, and that he wasn't supporting himself as easily as usual. Almost compulsively, he took a familiar black hat that wasn't his from the table by the door and put it on, taking the doorknob in his hand and wrenching the blasted door open. What-or rather who-he saw took him completely by surprise that he almost fell over and back.  
He was staring down at the livid, angry figure of his own self.  
The angry Friar Carl on the other side of the door grabbed the real Carl (at least he knew HE was the real Carl) by the scruff of his collar and brought his head down to the same level of his own with a mighty jerk. It was then that Carl knew he was himself, for the enraged Carl he was staring incredulously at had green eyes. Carl knew he had blue eyes.  
"What did you do?!" shouted Angry Carl in Carl's own voice, "What in the nine levels of hell did you do?!" "I don't know!" replied Carl in a voice deeper than his own, the accent muddled, "I can't remember a thing!" A lock of black hair fell in front of his face, and he flicked it off with a swish of his head. Angry Carl growled and shook Real Carl roughly. "You reverse this!" he shouted, "You find a way to reverse this, or I swear to God, you're going to have hell to pay!" Real Carl coughed and sputtered. "Look, I don't even know what happened!" he gasped, "I don't even know who the hell you are, much less who the hell I am now!" "WOULD YOU STOP SWEARING!?!" Angry Carl spat (and Real Carl got hit in the face with it too), "MONK, FRIAR...WHATEVER! JUST STOP CURSING!"  
With those words, Real Carl finally understood who he was talking with, this man who had him by the collar, almost choking him. He squinted at the figure in front of him. "V-Van Helsing?" he asked uncertainly. Angry Carl rolled his eyes, irritated. "You were expecting the Queen of France, maybe?!" he shouted. Carl put a hand to his mouth, a bolt of elation and pride shooting through his system. "Oh my God..." he whispered, as his other hand almost involuntarily pried Van Helsing's hands off him, "Oh my God..." Carl, in Van Helsing's body, walked away very slowly. Van Helsing, in Carl's body, crossed his arms, squinched up his face in an incredulous look and shook his head. "It worked..." Carl whispered to himself, "It worked, it _actually_ worked!" And he started to laugh to himself quite loudly that Van Helsing thought he might be waking half the country with it already.  
"Pardon the interruption," Van Helsing said sarcastically, "but, what _EXACTLY_ worked so well that I'm half-expecting you to do a victory dance in your joy?" "My potion!" Carl boasted, "My potion! The one I've been secretly working on for 5 years! MY OWN POTION!" And he began laughing like a madman again. When he started jumping around, Van Helsing knew he was going to have to do something about it.  
He stepped in and held fast to Carl, trying desperately to hold him down, and shouted his name at him a couple (of hundred) of times, trying to calm him. "Hey, hey, hey, CARL! CALM DOWN!" Gradually, Carl's display of elation dissipated. "One, I think you're taking this happy-happy-joy-joy thing a bit far," Van Helsing remarked, "Two, the sight of _my_ body jumping up and down like that, and the sound of _my_ voice elatedly shouting 'MY POTION! MY POTION!' at the top of _my_ lungs is just...disturbing." Carl sheepishly cleared his throat and took a deep breath. "Right," he said quietly, "Sorry."  
Van Helsing let go of him. "I'm...glad your experiment worked," he said, practically ripping his hat off of Carl's head, "Is there a way to reverse it? An antidote, or a spell, or something? Because I'm not about to spend the rest of my life as you. No offense." Carl shrugged, and turned away, genuinely rather stung by the words. "None taken," he choked, then he cleared his throat again. "If I told you I haven't figured that part out yet, would you kill me?" he stuttered uneasily. Van Helsing slackened, and he slammed his palm against a wall a little too roughly as he swore. "OW!" he said, and Carl jumped. "Hey, be careful with my hands!" he said as he tried to stop Van Helsing from shaking his hurt hand, "Those hands just happen to make most the weapons that make you the revered, respected hero that you are." "And they're also the hands that made a body-switching potion without an antidote," Van Helsing replied, moving away from Carl's grasp. "Ouch," Carl answered, "You really don't know how to properly appreciate genius when you see it." "No," Van Helsing said, turning to the door, "But I do know that this day can't get any worse."  
It was then, just before he reached the door, that another friar appeared seemingly out of nowhere at the doorway, blocking Van Helsing. He looked past the real Van Helsing right at Carl in Van Helsing's body. "The Cardinal wants to see you, Van Helsing," he said, "He says it's important." Then he eyed Van Helsing in Carl's body with a rather hateful, jealous glare. "You too, Carl," he said in a matching tone, and with that he left. Van Helsing narrowed his eyes, raising an eyebrow. "I stand corrected," he said, half to himself, half to Carl, "It just got worse."

**A/N: **More on the way, I promise!  For now, please please PLEASE review.  Thanks!


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **Same as before, don't own the _Van Helsing_ thingamajiggie.

**Author's Notes: **To all those who read and reviewed chapter 1 of this fic, thank you all!  Y'all are divine, thanks so much for reviewing.  I agree with what one of the reviewers said, I can so totally fuck this up, so let's hope I don't.  Thank you for the kind reviews, I'm so glad you like this so far!  Here's chapter 2!

Mobilicorpus 

**A Carl Fic**

**By Lady Tavington/Marciana**

**Rated PG-13**

**CHAPTER 2**

Carl could hardly help smiling smugly to himself.  Cardinal Jinette had hardly suspected a thing when they had reported to him, even when "Van Helsing" threw in a few praises of his "trustworthy genius sidekick Carl."  He had played arrogant, reckless popinjay as best as he could, and, though in his opinion his portrayal of the monster-hunter hero hadn't been too far from the truth, Van Helsing was as indignant as Carl hoped he would be.  That was basically how he felt around the hero anyway: indignant, unimportant, invisible until needed.  It was strangely vindicating to know Van Helsing was now experiencing it too.

Carl found being Van Helsing harder than he thought it might be, though for the life of him he would never admit it to anyone other than himself.  He found the weight of the authoritatively intimidating glare of the Cardinal on him most of the time, as opposed to being partly out of the picture.  He couldn't let his thoughts drift to which gadget he could use for a particular part of the mission, nor could he even try to remember if he'd let something on the Bunsen Burner.  There just wasn't enough time for that.  Van Helsing, as the Cardinal knew, usually pieced together whatever pieces of evidence Jinette could give him.  This Carl was forced to do.  He had to form some sort of story and conclusion just from the vague pieces of information the Cardinal gave him before he even made sense of the evidence presented.  He was a genius, yes, but his mind was a calculating mind, meaning he believed in experimentation before conclusion, at least for verification purposes.  It was suddenly clear to Carl that everyone, including Cardinal Jinette, treated Van Helsing as his semi-polar opposite in almost every way.  Carl suddenly had an urge to turn to Van Helsing and say something, but what to say, he wasn't sure yet.  He turned to Van Helsing anyway.

"I'm confused," were the first words that flew out of his mouth, even as they formed as thoughts in his head.  Carl hated admitting to Van Helsing that he was confused.  Van Helsing never missed an opportunity to be smug about his companion's confusion, especially when he himself was clear about that particular thing that caused the confusion.  Now was no exception.  A mile wide smug smirk creased Van Helsing's face-Carl's physical face-and Carl cringed.  "I do not look like that when I'm being smug," he said.  Van Helsing snorted, and it sounded strange to Carl to hear his own voice snorting from his throat.  "Yes you do, smartass," the monster hunter said, "Believe me, I've seen it one too many times not to know."  Carl shook his head dismissively as he turned the corner that led to the labs below.

"So," he began as he shoved a sack into Van Helsing's hands, "What are we going to do now?"  There was another short as Carl shoved his gas-propelled crossbow into the sack.  "I don't know," Van Helsing answered simply, "You tell me, _you're _the _smart one_."  Carl picked a couple of flasks of holy water and carefully dropped them into the sack.  "Well," he replied, "As true as that is,"-and here Van Helsing rolled his eyes, which Carl chose to ignore-"and as much as I hate to admit it, I'm CONFUSED.  And once you're done being smug about it, you can tell me what you've managed to conclude."

"The Nox Liberi," Van Helsing said as Carl added a crucifix into the sack, "They're some sort of cult, a religious cult that doesn't follow _our_ religion.  They don't like _our_ practices, they don't like _our_ God.  They believe in those many gods that their country believe in.  They're heretics."  Carl wagged a finger in disagreement.  "Not necessarily," he said matter-of-factly, "A lot of the friars who work here don't like the practices, nor do they like God.  That doesn't automatically make them heretics."  "Whatever," Van Helsing replied as he followed Carl around the lab, "Anyway, something is causing the numerous deaths of members of the Nox Liberi.  Something _unholy_, I should think.  They sent the cable to the Vatican, asking for our help."

Carl put a couple of guns into the sack and threw some spare barrels in as well.  "Nox Liberi…" he said to himself, "Latin for 'Children of the Darkness.'  So where are we off to this time, and I'm pretty sure it is US that's going, because I definitely can't NOT go, because I'm in YOUR body, and you can't not go, because…because…you're YOU."  "Greece," answered Van Helsing, not really understanding what Carl was implying, "Thebes, to be exact.  The cable said it was urgent, so we'd better hurry."  "Right," Carl said, dropping 4 or 5 bags of a black liquid so cautiously and slowly into the bag that beads of sweat had begun to form on his forehead by the time he was done.  "What in the world are those?" Van Helsing asked, peering into the sack.  "My little secret," Carl said with a proud smile of his own, "For me to know and for you to find out, should the occasion ever present itself.  Do we know who sent the cable?" "Someone named Sophone," Van Helsing answered, tying the sack up, "Pressumably a man, what with the way it was written."  "It could have been a woman, you know," Carl argued as they headed back towards the door of the labs.  Van Helsing laughed.  "You wish, Carl," he said, "You _wish_."  "I do, actually," Carl answered with a shrug as he followed Van Helsing to the door.  Van Helsing just shook his head as he exited.

As Carl turned to close the door behind him, he found everyone staring at him.  "What are you all staring at?" he snapped automatically.  A few friars murmured amongst themselves as the lab seemed to go back to work simultaneously.  Carl belatedly realized the answer to his question.  How unusual it must have been for them, seeing "Van Helsing" going around the lab, picking out weapons and chemicals as if he knew what they were without being told, while "Carl" followed after him with the sack, looking puzzled as hell about what the other was putting in.  _Stupid Carl_, he berated himself mentally as he closed the door with a snap.  Wonderful.  He'd just given Van Helsing's reputation one push up, and his own one push down.  He'd have to remedy that of course, but perhaps later, when there was more time.  For now, he had to go find where his physical self had rapidly shuffled off to.

**END CHAPTER 2**

**Author's Notes: **Hope you liked this one!  Reviews please, all kinds are welcome!


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **Still don't own any of the official _Van Helsing_ stuff.  I just can't beat Stephen Sommers at poker, dammit…at least I was able to convince him to bet the Copyright of _Van Helsing_, but the man's got a good poker hand…

**Author's Notes:** Thanks to everybody who reviewed, y'all don't know how much this means to me.  Thanks bunches to Bikuki, my fairy goddaughter, and one of my favorite people in the world, who's been helping me with all my Friar Carl frenzy.  Thanks also to Marina and Samantha over at Wenham Online and Wenham Online message boards-y'all are such great people, thanks for helping me feed my David Wenham obsession!  Thanks to my good friend Macky (MacBryan ka pa rin sa akin, kahit na anong gawin mo!  LOKO!) for helping me research for this fic.

**Summary:  **Things are getting rather interesting now, I have to say.  I like this chapter, coz it pretty much shows Carl and Van Helsing having a bit of fun before everything gets more complicated than it already is.  Hope you guys like this too, this version 2.5 of Chapter 3.  Let me know if you like it or hate it or whatever by leaving me a review!  Reviews are always so much appreciated.

MOBILICORPUS 

A Friar Carl Fanfic

By Lady Tavington/Marciana

Rated PG-13

Chapter 3 (v 2.5)

The trip to Greece took 3 nights, and by the time they arrived in Thebes, Carl was deathly hungry.  At least, he knew he was hungry.  Usually, 2 days without food sent his stomach growling fiercely until it was fed, but Van Helsing's body apparently had no concept of humans needing food.  Even worse, 3 nights on horseback also left Carl with only a vague memory of males having testicles.  Carl had never particularly enjoyed horseback riding, and this only made him absolutely hate it.

They found themselves in a busy, busy city  Everyone was bustling around, going about their own businesses, running here, carting there, shouting, swearing.  Everywhere the two travelers looked, there wasn't an idle body in sight.  Indeed, they all seemed as if they couldn't afford to even care that 2 strangely-dressed foreigners were now trudging down the streets amongst them, looking for a place to stay.

One inn had struck Van Helsing's fancy, though why Carl couldn't understand.  He attributed it to the fact that there was a bar next door.  Nevertheless, Carl followed the hunter, tired and craving for food.

The room they were given was cozy, with a window that opened out into the streets.  The beds had silk linen, and thick blankets to counteract the cold Grecian nights.  Carl just wasn't sure he felt secure about the fact that the only thing separating the room from the corridor was a thick purple curtain, but he tried telling himself no one would attack them there at night.  He mentally made a list of why his theory was possible, but Van Helsing, knowing better, ruined all hope for Carl by saying, "We're going to need a huge boulder to keep anything unwanted coming through that hole," almost as if he knew what Carl had been thinking.

Carl was glad when Van Helsing said they should rest for the night, but he couldn't stop the bitingly sarcastic remark that escaped his throat in response.  "Well, who would have thought," he said, "the great Gabriel Van Helsing actually gets tired."  Carl thought he saw Van Helsing stiffen for a while, but Carl breathed a sigh of relief when he said in reply, "The great Gabriel Van Helsing is only human too, Carl." ("Not entirely," Carl muttered to himself.) "Besides, it's _your_ body's fault, it's more tired than I am.  Not to mention extremely hungry."

As if on cue, a woman came in with a platter of fruit and meat.  "Finally," the 2 men said in unison as soon as the woman disappeared behind the silk curtain.  Van Helsing watched with a snort as Carl took a couple of seedless grapes and popped them into his mouth.  Carl closed his eyes in satisfaction as he let the taste of _real_ food wash over his senses.  "That's heavenly," he remarked, and took another two grapes into his mouth.

"Carl, for a friar, you have a _huge_ appetite," Van Helsing observed as he helped himself to some meat.  "That, and I'm _starving_," Carl answered, taking some meat for himself as well, just as the woman returned with wine and goblets.  Politely, Carl offered his thanks with a smile, and the woman turned quickly away, but both men caught the tiny blush that had sprung onto her cheeks.

Carl shrugged smugly and smirked.  "She likes me," he said simply, biting into an apple.  "Oh, please," Van Helsing contradicted, "It's my face she saw, she likes _me_.  You're in _my_ body."  "Exactly," Carl answered, "_I'm_ in your body, so she likes _me_." "Possibly," Van Helsing replied, pouring himself some wine, "But you're a man of the cloth, you shouldn't even be considering possibilities like that."  Carl snorted, and it was nothing as extraordinary as Van Helsing snorting in Carl's voice since Van Helsing snorted a _lot_.  "That doesn't mean I can't express interest in women," Carl argued, "Besides, just because I shouldn't, doesn't mean I don't."

Van Helsing was rather taken aback at seeing that all too mischevious glint in Carl's blue eyes on his own face.  Van Helsing just shook his head.  Sleazy as it was, the friar's point was an excellent one.  "Go to sleep, Carl," he said, preparing for sleep, "We'll start searching in the morning, when you've got your wits about you."  Carl grimaced nastily at him, and Van Helsing just shrugged.  He began to peel off the friar's priestly garb with some difficulty as Carl watched with smug amusement.  "And quit smirking," was Van Helsing's last order of the night as he pulled on Carl's aging nightshirt.  The last thing Carl saw him do before Van Helsing started snoring was turning onto his side so that his back was to Carl ad then scratching the area just below his nape where the hem of his shirt came in irritating contact with his skin.  Something Carl did out of force of habit.  Carl smiled to himself.  Van Helsing was having a tough time being Carl too.  He found strange satisfaction in that knowledge.  He proceeded to pull a tatty second-hand, leather-covered journal from his personal belongings, scribbled a few notes in it then took off all his clothes save his trousers with much more ease than Van Helsing taking off the friar's clothes.  He settled into bed, and was heavily asleep in seconds.

**END CHAPTER**

**Author's Notes: **Please, please, PLEASE review!  I can't thank you enough for reading.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  NOW REVIEW!  IN THE NAME OF CARL, REVIEW! 


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **Still don't own _Van Helsing_™.  Dammit.

**Author's Notes:** Normally, I take this time to say thank you for the reviews, and I do thank you all for reading and reviewing, but there were a couple of reviews I thought needed answering.

One reviewer suggested I put spaces between my paragraphs.  She had only read chapter 1, and had not yet read chapter 2, which was already up by then.  This is in no way a show of anger towards the reviewer, this is just a clarification.  I type all my chapters the same way on Microsoft Word™.  I only press the enter key ONCE between paragraphs, and then save the document as a .html file.  Usually when it gets uploaded on to FFN, the paragraph spacings widen on their own.  I think it's an automatic thing with FFN.  I didn't know that that would not be the case with chapter 1 of this fic.  So there.  I apologize to anyone who had difficulty reading chapter 1.

Another reviewer-God love her-suggested I add more characters.  I will.  Soon.  One principal character actually makes her appearance in Chapter 5, but she's mentioned here.  The action actually starts in Chapter 5 as well, so hold on to your knickers just a little while longer. 

The very first reviewer asked me where I got the title Mobilicorpus, asking, "Isn't that a Harry Potter™ spell?" (or something to that effect).  Yes, it is a spell found in one or two of the Harry Potter™ books.  It's effect is to move an unconscious person as if on a stretcher suspended in mid-air.  Basically, the spell means "Move body."  I thought it was an appropriate title.

Thank you again to all who reviewed!  As you can see, I do take time to read the reviews, because there's no reward better for an author than to see that his/her work is appreciated.  I hope you all like this chapter as well, and I do also hope that you review.  Enjoy!

MOBILICORPUS 

**A Friar Carl fanfic**

**By Lady Tavington/Marciana**

**Rated PG-13**

**Chapter 4**

**ENJOY**

The sun was already rather high up in the sky by the time Carl awoke.  He found his companion already gone, no doubt out on the search for the Sophone character.  While he preferred being left to his own devices most of the time, Carl did not particularly like the solitude that particular morning.  There was little for him to do without Van Helsing barking orders at him and asking him questions.  He supposed he could start looking for a way to reverse the potion's effects.  Lord knew he just wanted to be his own self again.  First, however, he had to deal with the problem that was Van Helsing's unruly morning hair.

Carl had a comb with him in his bag somewhere, something he threw in out of habit, but of course it wasn't enough for Van Helsing's long black hair, which snaked in front of his face and stood up in edges and ways that Carl knew definitely defied the scientific laws of gravity.  Looking around, he spotted a basin of water in one corner of the room.  He proceeded to dunk his head in, recoiling almost immediately as the ice-cold water hit him like a punch on the nose.  He threw his head back, his wet hair flying backwards away from his face, and smoothed his hair down with his hands.  Feeling more refreshed and now able to see, he threw on one of Van Helsing's black shirts and took his journal from the table by the bed.

He was absolutely miffed to find he hadn't even calculated the odds of the success of the potion, much less created an antidote.  But he knew now a few things about the potion that proved helpful anyway; the drinkers of the potion ended up getting their bodies switched, the potion took a week at most to mature and as of that moment, there was no antidote.  Carl thought back to his conclusions.  He and Van Helsing had both taken the potion, though the latter hadn't been exactly aware of it until the full effects had taken place.  Now they were in each other's bodies.  Would it not follow that if they took the potion again, they would be switched back?

It was a foolhardy idea, one Carl wasn't sure would work.  _It has to work_, he thought to himself, _it WILL work.  I refuse to believe otherwise_.  He was prepared to try it.  He just hoped he had the necessary equipment and ingredients to make the potion again.

It was then that Van Helsing came ripping into the room, and Carl found he was wearing just one of Carl's cleanest shirts and trousers.  In his hand were his Tojo blades.  "You.  Me.  Downtown.  NOW," he said simply but urgently, grabbing the sack of weapons they'd brought with them before disappearing into the corridor.  Carl hurried after him, grabbing Van Helsing's black cloak and hat on the way out.

"What's going on?" Carl asked Van Helsing when he caught up with him outside the inn.  "We're not the only ones looking for Sophone, I think," Van Helsing answered as Carl pulled on the cloak and hat, "I just got reports of some…_thing_ being sighted in the forest just outside the city.  I can't quite make out what it is, but I'm sure that's what's been killing the Liberi Nox.  Question is why?  How?  And what is it?"  "So we're going into the forest," Carl replied.  "On horses," Van Helsing nodded as they entered the stables.  He heard Carl swear under his breath.  "Don't complain, you," the monster hunter remarked as he got on his horse, "You were right about Sophone being a woman, you know."  "HA! Told you so!" Carl replied triumphantly as he mounted his horse, "Wait, how did you know?"  But Van Helsing heard neither the boast of triumph nor the ignorant question for he was already speeding away.  "Typical," Carl muttered.  He spurred his horse on and within seconds had caught up with Van Helsing.  Together they sped towards the forest.

**END CHAPTER 4**

**Author's Notes: **As I said earlier, new characters will be introduced in the next chapter.  I hope you liked this one, rather boring as it sounded.  Review!  Thanks!


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